Toward a Relational Identity: New Ways of Learning

"In the beginning is the relationship" (Martin Buber, I and Thou).

As I gain more coaching/consulting experience in the work of church and community development, I am becoming more alert to the difficulty many nonprofits and congregations have in deepening relationships with "others."  Quite often, this difficulty can be traced to an organizational environment that places a high value on efficient programming, measurable outcomes, and functional participation.  In addition, there can be an underlying anxiety about how to "follow up" with others and connect with them outside an established structure.  For example, it seems much easier for board and council members to support a capital campaign or approve a project than to have meaningful conversations with other community leaders.

Kenneth Gergen, author of An Invitation to Social Construction, addresses many of the reasons why we currently think and act in fundamentally non-relational categories.  One area on which he focuses is that of "learning and knowing."  For a long time, those of us living in the Western world have been taught to: 1) remain dispassionate, 2) control our surroundings, 3) convert observations to numerals, 4) search for the answer, and 5) separate truth from practice.  If we are to learn about our world and gain "true knowledge," this approach must be taken and other approaches dismissed as "subjective."  As Gergen points out (in critique of this approach), it is increasingly hard to make the case that "we know most about each other when we care the least, when we are cool and distant."

Different ways of "learning" and "understanding" are emerging that honor the relational realities of "what is."  These include: 1) narrative expression, 2) collaborative inquiry, and 3) action research.  In short, we can't discover who we really are and what our world is like without "getting inside" our own stories and those of others, without working with others for greater awareness, or apart from actual participation in "making a difference."  Knowledge is thus embedded in and through the relational efforts of actual people who are "making contact" with their particular environment(s).  This is all very encouraging to me (and my VIS colleagues), since our coaching and training methodogies reflect the importance of shared discovery, conversational relationships, and active partnerships on the journey of community transformation.  We are beginning to see new insights and creative actions emerge as organizations (and their leaders) give priority to relational engagement.

What about your situation?  Can you identify with the difficulty of cultivating a deeper appreciation for relationships in your organizational context?  What are the specific challenges (if any)?  What are the particular benefits of "going relational"?  How might these "new" ways of learning increase involvement in neighborhood/community transformation?  Your comments are welcome.